IT HURTS to discover you
were deceived - that what you thought was the "one true
religion," the "path to total freedom," or "truth" was in
reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn
that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught
not to question - were "pulling the wool over your eyes"
albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn
that those you were taught were your "enemies" were
telling the truth after all -- but you had been told they
were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to
listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know
your faith in God hasn't changed - only your trust in an
organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a
trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more when it is
your family and friends making these accusations.
IT HURTS to realize
their love and acceptance was conditional on you
remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply
you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget -
but how can you forget your family and friends?
IT HURTS to see the
looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love -
to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to
them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a
hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren't
there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse
looks upon you as demonised and teaches your children to
hate you.
IT HURTS to know you
must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so
much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious
of everyone including family, friends and other former
members.
IT HURTS when you find
yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were -
even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused,
lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You
don't know what to do with yourself because you have so
much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty
for spending time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel
as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as
though you are "floating" and wonder if you really are
better off and long for the security you had in the
organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
IT HURTS when you feel
you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what
you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self
confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have
to front up to friends and family to hear their "I told
you so" whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes
you feel even more stupid than you already do - your
confidence and self worth plummet even further.
IT HURTS when you
realize you gave up everything for the cult - your
education, career, finances, time and energy - and now
have to seek employment or restart your education. How do
you explain all those missing years?
IT HURTS because you
know that even though you were deceived, you are
responsible for being taken in. All that wasted
time........ at least that is what it seems to you -
wasted time.
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
Leaving a cult is like
experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken
relationship. The feeling is often described as like
having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in
love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving
process to pass through. Whereas most people understand
that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it
difficult to understand the same applies in this
situation. There is no instant cure for the grief,
confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is
the healer. Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief.
They shouldn't -- It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel
confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry,
untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time
the negative feelings will be replaced with clear
thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
YES
- IT HURTS BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME, PATIENCE
& UNDERSTANDING
There is life
after the cult.
Used with permission:
Jan Groenveld
